The Beginning of Anxiety and Depression

What is anxiety and depression?

To start -- I don't think there is an exact definition for anxiety because it is different for every person. To me, anxiety is the overwhelming sense of worry and fear. To others, it might be the temporary feeling of nervousness, or a multitude of other symptoms. Everyone has anxiety in some sort of way, whether you realize it or not. It is nothing to be ashamed about because it is very common. There are many layers to anxiety -- one of them being GAD, also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is specific to things like health or social anxiety. I think every person has had times of anxiety and/or depression. The stereotype with depression is a person who is always down, negative, tired, and uncaring, but there are also those that are able to hide their depression and live their days. As someone who has both, it can be very difficult to stay positive or want to be active and productive, it can also take a toll on every aspect of someone's life. It is a very mental and physical thing which I don't think many people understand. I am hoping this blog can start a conversation with others and change the stigma on mental health.

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The beginning of my anxiety

Well, my anxiety experience begins at the early age of around 5 years old. I haven't liked doctors since I got my first vaccinations because who actually likes *needles*? I've always avoided going to the doctor until I actually needed to, along with any other health professional. The dentist did get easier because I had braces so I got used to the monthly or biweekly appointments for more than a year. Honestly, I gave anyone who works in the healthcare field a negative review just because I always thought anytime you went to a doctor, you had something wrong with you or you were going to get prodded with something unsettling. Unfortunately, for me and many others, this pandemic triggered high levels of worrying and overthinking. Just like many others, I chose to work during this time because I am a broke college student that needed something to keep me busy. Looking back at it, it probably wasn't the smartest idea because of the pandemic and it was physically and mentally draining. Anyways, after a month at my new job, my family and I decided that I needed to take a break/leave because covid cases. No one knew that during the time I was working, I was constantly worrying about catching the virus. I mean like all the time. It was so bad that I would check my temperature any chance I got or double up on face masks. I constantly thought something was wrong with me. On top of that, I am a very stubborn person and I don't like asking for help unless I really need it so I was like "It'll go away" or "I'll deal with it myself." HAHA no. I dealt with it for a little while until it was all I was thinking about and ended up telling my parents, which is something I usually wouldn't do. Well, let's just say it has only gotten harder and that is what started my health anxiety.